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Luke Marsden turns into psychic Sally to predict futures of Celebrity Big Brother finalists

Tuesday 11th September 2018
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So the series that had the nation talking about anything other than Love Island and Donald Trump has finally ended.

It started with a prediction from psychic Sally that a woman would walk first. Funny how Stormy Daniels could spend time with Trump but couldn’t stomach the thought of three weeks with Hardeep.

It is rare that a reality show can actually educate the public but I feel we’ve learned more during this series than the entire of primary school. Roxanne taught us that cameras everywhere are vital and that the girl who cries (and cried and cries) wolf should be exiled from showbusiness forever. She can’t even get a gig as a villain in a pantomime.

We all shed a tear for Ryan the night he broke down. We’ve shed even more tears at psychic Sally’s countless failed predictions and Jermaine’s lack of emotional judgement. “It’s just banter!” That’ll be the reason his wife cities for divorcing him.

If nothing else this series has reminded us just how good Emma Willis is at her job, she did a better job of grilling Roxanne than Jeremy Vine. If Newsnight ever need a new host, Willis should be top of the list.

But what stardom awaits our finalists? 

Ryan Thomas wins Celebrity Big Brother
Ryan Thomas wins Celebrity Big Brother

6. Gabby Allen

Sixth place for Gabby, who spent most of her time in there trying not to flirt with Dan to prove ‘nothing happened’. Clearly going on Love Island doesn’t do anything for your popularity as Nick (the convicted criminal) has a significantly less social media following yet ranked higher than Gabby. She should open her own fitness studio then maybe Dan will come to visit, or he won’t or maybe he will? He won’t. Will he?

5. Sally Morgan

She predicted she’d come third, she came fifth. Sally Morgan proving you don’t have to actually be psychic to be a psychic. She was like a rock to Ryan and managed to clash with Hardeep on an almost daily basis. But what next for Sally? Another sell out tour? A new book? More facial surgery? Regardless of what it is, she’ll know she’ll be ok, she did after all predict Diana’s death a year before she died…

4. Nick Leeson

For someone who most people don’t have a clue about, Nick did well placing forth. If Deal or No Deal still existed he could be the new Banker. Instead Nick will probably return to the public speaking circuit but charge a higher fee. If Eastenders ever decided to do a time jump he could be cast as the new Ben Mitchell.

Runner up Kirstie Alley
Runner up Kirstie Alley

3. Dan Osborne

Dan managed to place third which will do wonders for his career, as everyone remembers the third-place housemates like…erm. Dan went into CBB to prove he is a nice guy and certainly came across as nice most of the time however I’m sure he will quickly undo all the work he’s done on his first personal appearance outside of the house at some sticky floored nightclub in Bognor.

2. Kirstie Alley

If this has been a series not involving a fictional punch to a woman, then Kirstie Alley would’ve been crowned the CBB winner. Witty, smart and full-on American, Kirstie could have a real shot of being the actual President of the USA as her next job!

1. Ryan Thomas

I haven’t seen any celeb that didn’t want Ryan to win. He had the full back of the showbiz world, and in a parallel universe where Roxanne is a regular on Hollyoaks, Ryan would be in jail for beating her up. Instead, he gets to wear a crown to bed with Lucy Meck. His approval ratings will be higher than the Prime Minister (not hard, right?) perhaps three weeks spent in the house will pay off for Ryan, and Kirstie will cast him in one of her films. Either that or he’ll do a circuit of other reality shows.

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