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Luke Marsden weighs up the new Big Brother housemates — for the last time

Saturday 15th September 2018
Intheloop Luke2

Even the greatest show has to come to an end. Although Big Brother was literally buried alive on Channel 4 it was resurrected less than a year later by Channel 5.

Let’s live in hope that this new series will be so compelling to watch that another network sacks a load of documentary makers and buys the rights to air Big Brother.

Did the launch of the final series flood back memories of yesteryear? Or was it just another bunch of fame hungry wannabes attempting a last desperate ditch of the limelight? It’s a mixed bag…

Cian — The Farmer

At least Cian actually has a job that is worthwhile, I don’t blame him for getting into BB to see if he can earn any more before Brexit kicks in. He seemed very launch night jolly which will last another day or so. As long as he stays on the funny side of being bitchy he should make the final.

Anamelia — The Spiritual Advisor

Who has Anamelia advised exactly? Sally Morgan? Her entrance VT could easily have been plucked from some American TV drama. She’ll have to be all action and no words to get me to believe in her ‘gift’. I think we’ll see more waffle than a Belgium coffee shop.

Lewis — The Bartender

Lewis admitted he is socially awkward and doesn’t like to be around a lot of people, I assume he works in a teetotal bar in a city centre then? He hasn’t picked the right show to test his social awkwardness, his “eight pack” will only carry him so far, I think he’ll spend most of his time in there washing his hair.

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Kenaley — The Call Centre Worker

Kenaley is the sort of girl you want on the other end of the phone when you’re trying to renew your car insurance. She’d tell you her life story and how drunk she got the previous day, then you’d then bargain her down 20%. Seeing as she talks for a living we should see a lot from her.

Tomasz- The Cleaner

Whatever money Tomasz makes from BB (which will be zilch) he should invest in a gym membership, he was panting more than Calum Best on a nightclub PA.

Cameron — The Vlogger

To be clear, this isn’t me. I’ve not decided to dust off my George at Asda suit and give the house another shot. Cameron’s right-wing views are going to do down like a brick with the feminists in the house. He’ll be back canvasing for his local Tory MP within a week.

Sian — The Waitress

Sian seems the most down to earth of the lot of them. Only time will tell if she’s playing up to the cameras or if she has even noticed them. The lads in there will definitely notice Sian—she can’t be missed. Either way she’s secured the Barnsley Christmas light switch on gig.

Isaac — The Semi-Pro Footballer

Basically he kicks a ball around for half of the week, the other half he spends applying for reality shows. He came across as an arrogant guy in his VT, I’m anticipating he’ll remain consistent.

Brooke — The Graphic Designer

She’s gone in there looking for a verbal fight. Brooke said pretty much that exact thing on her VT. Whether she can hold her own will be a different story. 

Akeem — The Consultant

Akeem seems by far the nicest guy in there, which means he probably won’t be by the end of the show. If he just does the washing up and stays out of the arguments, he’ll make it to the final.

Kay- The Artist

Kay feels like a throwback to the old C4 housemate days, but in this case a throwback to BB4—so nobody will actually remember her. Then again, she’s an artist so she should be good at making an impression.

Zoe — The Carer

Once I’d double-checked it wasn’t Vicky Pollard, Zoe’s entrance showed raw emotion which she will quickly have to hide if she wants to survive in there. Nobody likes a crier—especially in the first week.

Lewis G- The Bricklayer

I assume Lewis had a brick dropped on his head as a child. He’s already taken the award for the longest entrance in into the BB house ever. The chorus of boos said it all. He feels like an even poorer man’s Stephen Bear—but even that would be a compliment.

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